Alright, sorry it's been so long.
Surgery went well. Road to recovery has been long and frustrating, mainly I have no energy. I'm only about to eat about 500-600 calories a day right now which means I have NO energy. I've been off from work which has been super nice. I love staying at home, cleaning the house, taking care of the puppies and taking care of Jake!
Because of the surgery, internal and external stitches and overall fragile health, we have put the physical aspect of D/s on hold and guess what... it's awful!! Ugh. I never realized how much I love this lifestyle until I can't have it!
Jake is pretty much a spanking-only person for punishment. He's been putting up with a LOT lately too. My pain medication turns me into a little monster (I'm not sure why! He said it's a normal reaction for some people though). I snap at him, cry, get demanding, get sleepy etc from this medication, it's unfortunate, but I need it. Jake has had the patience of an angel through all of this. He's taking a lot more right now that he would usually put up with because of my health but now that I'm almost completely healed, he's been getting a bit more pushy on things.
First things first I was told my health was no excuse for a messy house. I've been so exhausted lately and I've really let myself use that as an excuse to leave the house messy and get behind on laundry. But I know it's unacceptable and Jake made sure I knew that with not working, I was 100% expected to keep up the house. I had a few bad days but Jake snapped me back into place.
Now that I'm a few weeks out and using less pain medication, Jake has been jumping on my attitude and sarcastic remarks a lot more. I never realized how much I can let my mouth run with all the freedom he was giving me.
It makes me sad when I'm sarcastic or rude. It's so awful to disrespect him, I don't know why I do it, it makes me so sad. I need D/s to help me release my guilt and feel as though I am forgiven. We have a bit of tension right now and I know it's because I'm feeling guilty and Jake is feeling caught between trying to be a Hoh but also an understanding and empathetic fiance.
We are leaving for Vegas tomorrow morning. I'm hoping we will take advantage of the hotel room and do some spanking and get back on track!
I miss D/s so much. I need it, our relationship suffers without it. It just makes me realize how special our relationship is and how lucky I am to have a man who loves me and takes care of me in the way that I need. <3
I'll update you after Vegas. Hopefully I will have some spanking updates!!!
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