An update! Finally! and Leaving for Vegas!!

Alright, sorry it's been so long.

Surgery went well. Road to recovery has been long and frustrating, mainly I have no energy. I'm only about to eat about 500-600 calories a day right now which means I have NO energy. I've been off from work which has been super nice. I love staying at home, cleaning the house, taking care of the puppies and taking care of Jake!

Because of the surgery, internal and external stitches and overall fragile health, we have put the physical aspect of D/s on hold and guess what... it's awful!! Ugh. I never realized how much I love this lifestyle until I can't have it!

Jake is pretty much a spanking-only person for punishment. He's been putting up with a LOT lately too. My pain medication turns me into a little monster (I'm not sure why! He said it's a normal reaction for some people though). I snap at him, cry, get demanding, get sleepy etc from this medication, it's unfortunate, but I need it. Jake has had the patience of an angel through all of this. He's taking a lot more right now that he would usually put up with because of my health but now that I'm almost completely healed, he's been getting a bit more pushy on things.

First things first I was told my health was no excuse for a messy house. I've been so exhausted lately and I've really let myself use that as an excuse to leave the house messy and get behind on laundry. But I know it's unacceptable and Jake made sure I knew that with not working, I was 100% expected to keep up the house. I had a few bad days but Jake snapped me back into place.

Now that I'm a few weeks out and using less pain medication, Jake has been jumping on my attitude and sarcastic remarks a lot more. I never realized how much I can let my mouth run with all the freedom he was giving me.

It makes me sad when I'm sarcastic or rude. It's so awful to disrespect him, I don't know why I do it, it makes me so sad. I need D/s to help me release my guilt and feel as though I am forgiven. We have a bit of tension right now and I know it's because I'm feeling guilty and Jake is feeling caught between trying to be a Hoh but also an understanding and empathetic fiance.

We are leaving for Vegas tomorrow morning. I'm hoping we will take advantage of the hotel room and do some spanking and get back on track!

I miss D/s so much. I need it, our relationship suffers without it. It just makes me realize how special our relationship is and how lucky I am to have a man who loves me and takes care of me in the way that I need. <3

I'll update you after Vegas. Hopefully I will have some spanking updates!!!

Back and healing nicely!!

Hello everyone! I'm healing nicely. I'm very loopy on liquid Vicodin right now, so I just wanted to stop in and say that I'm alive, doing well and so happy with the results of my surgery!!

I will update tomorrow with how D/s has been apart of our lives during this surgery and recovery period.

Also, hello to my new followers! I appreciate your readership!

Upcoming surgery

Hello all-

So tomorrow I am having a pre-surgical exploration scope to look at my esophagus and stomach. This is in preparing for a surgery on my stomach a week from tomorrow. (Monday) So I will be MIA during this time.

I'm really nervous for this! Tomorrow is just a scope but they still put you under anesthesia, which I hate!! :'( I hate going under and I hate waking up from anesthesia, it's so scary! What if you never wake up?! Jake tried to calm my nerves by saying "The great thing about anesthesia is that if you never wake up, you will have no idea and it will be a painless death" THAT DOESN'T HELP AT ALL! We both just have very different view of death. I'm absolutely terrified of dying and his motto is basically that there's nothing you can do about it.


I know that our D/s relationship/mentality will really help me through this time. I don't like anything medical, especially IV's! I get extremely crazy and I yell at the nurses/doctors, just because I'm panicking. I know having Jake there will help calm me down, I'm sure I will get a few "You better calm down" looks from him.

After my surgery on Monday I will have stitches in my stomach which will mean no spanking for awhile. He somehow stumbeled onto the idea of Capsazian cream, I'm rather annoyed he found out about this little trick. Hopefully he won't need it, or use it.

On a really good note I have Doctor's orders to do no laundry, dishes, vacuuming or any other house work that requires lifting/bending/pushing etc. I'm so happy. :)

I appreciate your prayers over the next week, catch ya'll on the flipside!