Meet me at the alter in your white dress!

I'm getting married soon!!!

J is enforcing a bedtime right now until the wedding because I have turned into quite the diva. The stress of my job plus wedding has had me making quite a few poor choices with my words. :'( I was supposed to be in bed by 11 tonight, but thus, here I am, at 12:30am still up.

I can't sleep. I have permanent 'nervous stomach' aka butterflies in my tummy. Although these butterflies feel less like lightweight little insects and a lot more like giant dinosaurs.

Got the spanking of a lifetime last night. I went into a bridal craze and cussed J out while he was at work. I knew well that he couldn't say anything to me, because there were people around him at work and he obviously remains vanilla. I got some stern texts that night and as soon as he got home in the morning the issue was addressed. I got the purple paddle, which is my LEAST favorite implement we have. I completely lost count of how many I got but all I know is that my butt went from white to red to purple and then back to white and I went completely numb from my tailbone to mid-thigh. Then I got the wooden rod an additional 30 or so whacks. Those left deep welts in my butt, like inside the muscle. It was so bad.

I was physically shaking and was winded from the pain for about 20 minutes afterwards. It was absolutely terrible. But I also know what I did was probably the worst thing I have EVER done and J completely did not deserve it. I was so out of line, it was disgusting.

I'm hoping that punishment will keep me set until the wedding.

Good night everyone.

Getting things straight

Hello Everyone-

My wedding shower is this Sunday. I'm very excited! I can't wait to see all my friends and family. But I'm nervous, I hate being the center of attention, it makes me really uncomfortable. Especially since I recently lost a lot of weight, every time I haven't seen someone in a long time they spend the first 5 minutes in shock of how I look. So I know when everyone sees me there's going to be a lot of fuss about my weight and then constant questions about the wedding. 

So life has been has been a little different lately. As I become more stressed out with the upcoming wedding shower, new job and the wedding itself, Jake has been getting a lot more strict. I have been very high-strung lately which leads me to making rash decisions and being quite snippy.

I have been spanked more times in the last week and a half than I can even remember, but I'm pretty sure it's been almost every day, sometimes twice a day. But as my title says, I think I'm finally getting on track. :) Slowly I'm becoming a little bit more sane as I cross off tasks on my to-do list.

I love DD so much, it has gotten me through a really stressful time of my life. If we were a 'vanilla' couple, I know that there would be so many fights and this household would be very high stress. I'm so lucky to have my fiance. :)