Meet me at the alter in your white dress!

I'm getting married soon!!!

J is enforcing a bedtime right now until the wedding because I have turned into quite the diva. The stress of my job plus wedding has had me making quite a few poor choices with my words. :'( I was supposed to be in bed by 11 tonight, but thus, here I am, at 12:30am still up.

I can't sleep. I have permanent 'nervous stomach' aka butterflies in my tummy. Although these butterflies feel less like lightweight little insects and a lot more like giant dinosaurs.

Got the spanking of a lifetime last night. I went into a bridal craze and cussed J out while he was at work. I knew well that he couldn't say anything to me, because there were people around him at work and he obviously remains vanilla. I got some stern texts that night and as soon as he got home in the morning the issue was addressed. I got the purple paddle, which is my LEAST favorite implement we have. I completely lost count of how many I got but all I know is that my butt went from white to red to purple and then back to white and I went completely numb from my tailbone to mid-thigh. Then I got the wooden rod an additional 30 or so whacks. Those left deep welts in my butt, like inside the muscle. It was so bad.

I was physically shaking and was winded from the pain for about 20 minutes afterwards. It was absolutely terrible. But I also know what I did was probably the worst thing I have EVER done and J completely did not deserve it. I was so out of line, it was disgusting.

I'm hoping that punishment will keep me set until the wedding.

Good night everyone.

Getting things straight

Hello Everyone-

My wedding shower is this Sunday. I'm very excited! I can't wait to see all my friends and family. But I'm nervous, I hate being the center of attention, it makes me really uncomfortable. Especially since I recently lost a lot of weight, every time I haven't seen someone in a long time they spend the first 5 minutes in shock of how I look. So I know when everyone sees me there's going to be a lot of fuss about my weight and then constant questions about the wedding. 

So life has been has been a little different lately. As I become more stressed out with the upcoming wedding shower, new job and the wedding itself, Jake has been getting a lot more strict. I have been very high-strung lately which leads me to making rash decisions and being quite snippy.

I have been spanked more times in the last week and a half than I can even remember, but I'm pretty sure it's been almost every day, sometimes twice a day. But as my title says, I think I'm finally getting on track. :) Slowly I'm becoming a little bit more sane as I cross off tasks on my to-do list.

I love DD so much, it has gotten me through a really stressful time of my life. If we were a 'vanilla' couple, I know that there would be so many fights and this household would be very high stress. I'm so lucky to have my fiance. :)

Attitude Adjustement

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. :( I'm just in a grouchy mood. I hate it. The whole time I'm in a bad mood and snipping at Jake, I think in my head "Stop! Hey Asia! Stop! He didn't do anything wrong" but for some reason my mouth just wont stop word vomitting! Yesterday I had a rough day. Jake and I had been together for four days straight so I don't know if that had something to do with it, but I was bitchy all day. We got in an argument about a traffic light! How redicilous is that? So dumb.

Our main argument right now is that I'm supposed to be starting a new job, which would be a great opportunity but I also already have an elective surgery scheduled. This surgery would make me a much more happy person but it would require me passing up the job. But the job is temporary, it only lasts until Oct 28th. But it would get my foot in the door with a great organization.... I want the surgery, he wants me to take the job. We're at a crossroads, which keeps creating arguments.

Yesterday I got spanked twice for my attitude. The second time we were laying in bed about to go to sleep, I can't remember exactly what I said but I know that it wasn't nice. Jake was spanking me harder than he ever has and I was still angry inside. The spanking hurt so bad, but I think it was more the anger that I was feeling, rather than the spanking. 

I had a really stressful day today too. Left home at 8:30am and didn't stop moving or get home until 9:30pm. I'm a sleepy girl.

Goodnight everyone.
Asia