Getting things straight

Hello Everyone-

My wedding shower is this Sunday. I'm very excited! I can't wait to see all my friends and family. But I'm nervous, I hate being the center of attention, it makes me really uncomfortable. Especially since I recently lost a lot of weight, every time I haven't seen someone in a long time they spend the first 5 minutes in shock of how I look. So I know when everyone sees me there's going to be a lot of fuss about my weight and then constant questions about the wedding. 

So life has been has been a little different lately. As I become more stressed out with the upcoming wedding shower, new job and the wedding itself, Jake has been getting a lot more strict. I have been very high-strung lately which leads me to making rash decisions and being quite snippy.

I have been spanked more times in the last week and a half than I can even remember, but I'm pretty sure it's been almost every day, sometimes twice a day. But as my title says, I think I'm finally getting on track. :) Slowly I'm becoming a little bit more sane as I cross off tasks on my to-do list.

I love DD so much, it has gotten me through a really stressful time of my life. If we were a 'vanilla' couple, I know that there would be so many fights and this household would be very high stress. I'm so lucky to have my fiance. :)

Life Update / Converting a Vanilla

Hello!

So I obviously have been slacking. I had major surgery October 10th, after that we went to Vegas and with my health and vacation, I let this slip. :) Whoops.

Holidays were good, very busy, but fun! I got a new Pistol for Christmas from my family, it is amazing. I went shooting with it for the first time yesterday, it definitely needs to be broken in!

Converting a Vanilla:

Converting a vanilla to a spanko life is a lot of work. :) When I originally was trying to figure out how to introduce this concept to Jake, I was only thinking of the things *he* would have to do. I never thought about myself and all the changes I would have to make to be a better submissive and fiance.

As we learn more and more about this lifestyle, we grow and change as a couple. It's been great. Jake has been doing a lot of his own research and reading on D/s and with that, he has become a much stronger and loving Dominate.

We have a very specific set of rules written out, and the exact punishment they will bring.  It's a very clear concept... if I chose to do/not do something, I'm actively choosing the consequence. I really enjoy the clarity, whereas I know a lot of Dominates would probably prefer to choose consequences as situations came. But it works for us.

We've become good friends with another D/s couple. Unfortunately they live very far away from us, in West Virginia. But I have learned a lot from Carolyn and hopefully Jake can learn from her husband. And hopefully after the wedding we can make a trip down there to see them. You can find their blog here. She keeps it updated a lot more than I do! :)

For now, my thoughts are scrambled and my brain is sleepy. I'll update soon.

An update! Finally! and Leaving for Vegas!!

Alright, sorry it's been so long.

Surgery went well. Road to recovery has been long and frustrating, mainly I have no energy. I'm only about to eat about 500-600 calories a day right now which means I have NO energy. I've been off from work which has been super nice. I love staying at home, cleaning the house, taking care of the puppies and taking care of Jake!

Because of the surgery, internal and external stitches and overall fragile health, we have put the physical aspect of D/s on hold and guess what... it's awful!! Ugh. I never realized how much I love this lifestyle until I can't have it!

Jake is pretty much a spanking-only person for punishment. He's been putting up with a LOT lately too. My pain medication turns me into a little monster (I'm not sure why! He said it's a normal reaction for some people though). I snap at him, cry, get demanding, get sleepy etc from this medication, it's unfortunate, but I need it. Jake has had the patience of an angel through all of this. He's taking a lot more right now that he would usually put up with because of my health but now that I'm almost completely healed, he's been getting a bit more pushy on things.

First things first I was told my health was no excuse for a messy house. I've been so exhausted lately and I've really let myself use that as an excuse to leave the house messy and get behind on laundry. But I know it's unacceptable and Jake made sure I knew that with not working, I was 100% expected to keep up the house. I had a few bad days but Jake snapped me back into place.

Now that I'm a few weeks out and using less pain medication, Jake has been jumping on my attitude and sarcastic remarks a lot more. I never realized how much I can let my mouth run with all the freedom he was giving me.

It makes me sad when I'm sarcastic or rude. It's so awful to disrespect him, I don't know why I do it, it makes me so sad. I need D/s to help me release my guilt and feel as though I am forgiven. We have a bit of tension right now and I know it's because I'm feeling guilty and Jake is feeling caught between trying to be a Hoh but also an understanding and empathetic fiance.

We are leaving for Vegas tomorrow morning. I'm hoping we will take advantage of the hotel room and do some spanking and get back on track!

I miss D/s so much. I need it, our relationship suffers without it. It just makes me realize how special our relationship is and how lucky I am to have a man who loves me and takes care of me in the way that I need. <3

I'll update you after Vegas. Hopefully I will have some spanking updates!!!

Back and healing nicely!!

Hello everyone! I'm healing nicely. I'm very loopy on liquid Vicodin right now, so I just wanted to stop in and say that I'm alive, doing well and so happy with the results of my surgery!!

I will update tomorrow with how D/s has been apart of our lives during this surgery and recovery period.

Also, hello to my new followers! I appreciate your readership!

Upcoming surgery

Hello all-

So tomorrow I am having a pre-surgical exploration scope to look at my esophagus and stomach. This is in preparing for a surgery on my stomach a week from tomorrow. (Monday) So I will be MIA during this time.

I'm really nervous for this! Tomorrow is just a scope but they still put you under anesthesia, which I hate!! :'( I hate going under and I hate waking up from anesthesia, it's so scary! What if you never wake up?! Jake tried to calm my nerves by saying "The great thing about anesthesia is that if you never wake up, you will have no idea and it will be a painless death" THAT DOESN'T HELP AT ALL! We both just have very different view of death. I'm absolutely terrified of dying and his motto is basically that there's nothing you can do about it.


I know that our D/s relationship/mentality will really help me through this time. I don't like anything medical, especially IV's! I get extremely crazy and I yell at the nurses/doctors, just because I'm panicking. I know having Jake there will help calm me down, I'm sure I will get a few "You better calm down" looks from him.

After my surgery on Monday I will have stitches in my stomach which will mean no spanking for awhile. He somehow stumbeled onto the idea of Capsazian cream, I'm rather annoyed he found out about this little trick. Hopefully he won't need it, or use it.

On a really good note I have Doctor's orders to do no laundry, dishes, vacuuming or any other house work that requires lifting/bending/pushing etc. I'm so happy. :)

I appreciate your prayers over the next week, catch ya'll on the flipside!

Attitude Adjustement

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. :( I'm just in a grouchy mood. I hate it. The whole time I'm in a bad mood and snipping at Jake, I think in my head "Stop! Hey Asia! Stop! He didn't do anything wrong" but for some reason my mouth just wont stop word vomitting! Yesterday I had a rough day. Jake and I had been together for four days straight so I don't know if that had something to do with it, but I was bitchy all day. We got in an argument about a traffic light! How redicilous is that? So dumb.

Our main argument right now is that I'm supposed to be starting a new job, which would be a great opportunity but I also already have an elective surgery scheduled. This surgery would make me a much more happy person but it would require me passing up the job. But the job is temporary, it only lasts until Oct 28th. But it would get my foot in the door with a great organization.... I want the surgery, he wants me to take the job. We're at a crossroads, which keeps creating arguments.

Yesterday I got spanked twice for my attitude. The second time we were laying in bed about to go to sleep, I can't remember exactly what I said but I know that it wasn't nice. Jake was spanking me harder than he ever has and I was still angry inside. The spanking hurt so bad, but I think it was more the anger that I was feeling, rather than the spanking. 

I had a really stressful day today too. Left home at 8:30am and didn't stop moving or get home until 9:30pm. I'm a sleepy girl.

Goodnight everyone.
Asia

Hectic Days

Been a few hectic days. Tonight Jake is at work and I'll be home alone with the puppies. I will be sure to update! <3